I like this interview. The author of The All-or-Nothing Marriage book Eli Finkel talks about how marriage has changed in recent years.
He spots very accurate pain points in the marriages that nobody tell.
For instance, he says it’s no longer enough for a modern marriage to simply provide a nice-enough person. Instead, people are increasingly seeking self-actualization within their marriages, expecting their partner to be all things to them.
That means, in the relationships, we expect that our spouse will help us grow, help us become a better version of ourselves, a more authentic version of ourselves. Feeling stagnant in the relationship doesn’t work.
And he also points that people with college degrees are marrying more, their marriages are more satisfying, and they’re less likely to divorce. Because little education means little income. Therefore, they don’t have time for to focus on the relationship, to focus on interesting conversation, to focus on high-level goals. They have other things they need to struggle.
The idea of the book is that the changing nature of our expectations of marriage have made more marriages fall short of expectations, and therefore disappoint us. But they have put within reach the fulfillment of a new set of goals that people weren’t even trying to achieve before. It’s the fulfillment of those goals that makes marriage particularly satisfying.
Briefly he says, think about the expectations from the relationship and know yourself and your partner. You also need to know how can you achieve all of the things together.
That’s a good advice.